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06

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QW 061112 “Sentence Evolution”

Here is a sequence of how the sentence I wrote a few days ago changed, hopefully in better ways.

1) It's surprising that what I hoped for myself hasn't changed at all from what I do three decades later; to be a super-good English speaker.

Obviously there was disagreement in tenses, but it was what I did intentionally. a) I’m surprised “now”. b) I had my hope “three decades ago”. c) That hope hasn’t changed “for three decades”. I should’ve used “for three decades” instead of “three decades later” to make the sentence much clearer and straightforward in meaning.


2) It's surprising that what I hoped for myself three decades ago hasn't changed at all until now; to be a super-good English speaker.

Then I tried revising the “three decades later” part. “(hasn't changed)… until now” was the first candidate. “until now” coupled with “hasn’t changed” could possibly connote that my hope changed now or is about to change. I personally believe, however, that the sentence means that my hope hasn’t changed “at the time of speaking”. Another possible problem with this sentence is “; to be a… ” refers to “what I hoped for”, but such reference may not be clear for everyone.


3) It's surprising that what I hoped for myself three decades ago hasn't changed at all to this day: I want to be a super-good English speaker.

It’s my final product. While reading someone’s tweet last Sunday, “to this day” suddenly came to me. What I had thought was that “to this day” could imply that the same situation continues when used with “hasn’t changed”. My English learning friend who has excellent proficiency approved the sentence. Which made me flattered.

(30 minutes / 284 words)

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Aya

Author:Aya
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