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English liberates and protects me.

English liberates me. English gives me an outlet for what would be left unsaid otherwise. Whether consciously or subconsciously, we carefully choose what to say and how to say it in our own language. Societal norms and pressures do exist as an unwritten code of laws, from which we can never be free. When communicating in our "shared" first language, we're bound by this hidden code and it takes some guts not to comply with it, for females in particular.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a feminist or any advocate of female rights. I just wanna say that I won't be outrageously wrong in pointing out that there are certain societal expectations on females in this country, or possibly in other countries as well, that they should be thoughtful, caring, agreeable, and not too vocal and argumentative. If they are, they will be labeled as a difficult person or even an annoying bitch. No?

For me, English frees females living in Japan and speaking the Japanese language from all the expectations and requirements posed on them. In fact, it's when I cannot help tweeting in English that I need an outlet to unleash my emotions and make my inner voice heard without caring about what other people might think, but wait. What would be happening if I ever offend others by saying what I really wanted to say? What could be the worst scenario? Shouldn't I articulate my thoughts and opinions and seek mutual understanding? If the attempt is failed, can we just agree to disagree? Why do I keep avoiding such confrontation?

Probably I see English as a vehicle to secure myself in a shelter, somewhere safe. English liberates me as well as protects me in a warm safe place to be. (294w)


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Now I'm more aware.

"wanting" can come to you in disguise of "liking" or "loving". You can be addicted to something while disliking it deep down.

Now I'm more aware. I didn't know where to start, but I've just started seeing what's seemed so certain to me for years quite differently.

It's been so stimulating that I didn't realize it's fooled me so long. Now I'm more aware, more conscious.

This time I think I can shake this off. I'll no longer be fooled by this preconception. I'm no longer sure that I like it or want it. This time I believe I can shake off this baseless attachment.

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The Attachment

The capital-A Attachment is what I'd really, really, really shake off.

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Everything comes dowm to how you see it.

It's not easy to be free from the idea or preconception once it's trapped you. No matter how hard you try to get rid of it or see things differently, it never ceases to eat you alive until it abandons you or it wears itself out. But, let's stop and think; is it really necessary to remove that idea or preconception and import a more ethical, more civilized, and more "right" one?

Some say "Everything comes down to how you see it." That is true, and it applies to the idea or preconception which you might think is evil, uncivilized, or unethical as a good human being, and try hard dumping. Well, life is short and only once. You never give away the freedom to have any idea or preconception of yours unless it harasses or annoys others.

09

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Attention or Trust?

When it comes to drawing random attention from random people, things are very simple; you just can make a big noise or do something that people with sanity won't do.

How about eliciting attention from those who share the same interest with you? Things are not that easy. Imagine that you're a serious English learner, at least as you self-claim so, and you're fortunate enough to know or "discover" something truly valuable to other learners. What would you do with "the gems" you possess? Do you cherish them clandestinely on your own, or demonstrate egalitarianism by sharing the gems with those who are likely to appreciate them just like you'd do? What if what you think as the gems turns out not the gems but the crap, at least to some people's eyes?

Giving compliments or saying nice things publicly is one way to gain people's attention. People are never mean enough to ignore those nice words about themselves; they'll respond to you in a positive way or even send you back the equivalent amount of compliment. The "reward" you'd receive may make your life a bit easier, but never solves the problem. False compliments may attract short-lived attention, but compliments "for your own sake" won't work to gain long-lived trust. People are not so mean, but smart enough to see through the Difference.

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Aya

Author:Aya
English learner

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